Cynicism is the best medicine

Do you like the title? Just a pop shot at trying to write something with a ring to it. A bit like ‘The Many Faces of Eye’, that one came up because I thought I might be able to write some moral narrative on the futility on the modern political process, but the reality is I think I was just try to validate my self righteousness. Oh to have access to a world wide forum with nothing in particular to say, what a conundrum. I haven’t used that word in a while, conundrum, if fact I’m slightly embarrassed that I did, I think ‘cluster’ is a much better modern term to describe potential problems. It’s a bit like the way everyone uses ‘What the fuck’ all of the time, it has that distinct solid feel of both being incredulous and angry. Kind of like when I wake up and found I haven’t died in my sleep. I’m not kidding, maybe I’m oversharing, but even at 36 I’m still waiting for a profound religious experience or at least some really vivid dreams so as I can infer that the former is around the corner. Consider it a kind of inverse depression, whereas a pervasive sense of dread is a symptom of depression I have a longing for some kind of cessation of consciousness to abate the boredom and mediocrity of my daily routine. I think this sort of indifference to my figurative, or literal death is mostly due to the recent loss of my job. I’m not wallowing in self pity. That’s something I distinctly dislike and revile about our modern, pseudo-psychological cultural narrative. You can’t overt negative feelings, because it’s indicative of self pity or feeling sorry for yourself. It’s seen as unconstructive and narcissistic. Sure, being a morose egocentric doesn’t make you great company and courting pity is undignified thing to do on many occasions, but frankly life is not ‘a box of chocolates’ but more a sack of potatoes; some are rotten some can be made into something tasty, they come in all different shapes and sizes and some can be used for knob gags (viz. dick jokes, America), or just gags if you’re into that sort of thing.
I’m not craving self destruction, more extinguishment if that makes sense. Yes I mean that in the Buddhist ego death type of concept. It’s probably the total anathema, but hey I can but dream that signing on for benefits is actually a path to Enlightment. Fuck, I just used anathema and Enlightment in the same sentence I risk losing all popular appeal. I’m feeling pulled towards a theme of discussing modern linguistics, principally because it’s so fucked. There is the idea that language is your heritage, and hence a transmitter of much more than just your own feelings and thoughts. The way you speak can reveal much more about you than just a few concepts or the description of your inner monologue. Certainly the ‘What the Fuck’ phenomenon is the perfect example of this, but it’s too early in the afternoon for that. What I really wanted to talk about today is cigarettes. I looove cigarettes. I’ve given up for over three years, with some very brief breaks only to have fully immersed myself back into the habit of sucking the smoke of a few hundred chemicals back into my lungs. I haven’t bought any today because I’ve managed to get my vaporizer working again, which is even worse because that really is about image. Not only do I get the sense I’m cutting edge but the amalgam of modern technology with a hookah pipe makes me feel like an extra out of the Star Wars cantina scene. Amalgam, shit. In reality cigarettes are vile, one you first spark one back up after a long time it’s like inhaling fumes from a corpse that died from an overdose of chlorine. The problem is it’s meditative and the first smoke of the morning is very much an achievement for me right now, that and the shower afterwards. It’s emotional BDSM. I dirty my lungs and then go and clean myself of the guilt afterwards.
And I like it.
So what’s my point? Well there is no point really, but I do have to say something about the being negative, or that being a little bit angry isn’t that bad a thing. Frankly I think we should be a bit angry, if we weren’t then the world would be heading to a much worse place than it already is. With all our technology, money and just raw capability we certainly seem to be making a real mess of the 21st Century. I might have an abundance of time to dwell on this, but reading the simulated schizophrenia of my Facebook newsfeed just makes me realize how a lot of what do is just there to convince ourselves we’re happy. Genuine happiness doesn’t need to be continually expressed, it defies the concept in itself, and although that happiness takes many forms, I personal think inner peace, real happiness doesn’t need to be qualified. All the time we’re spending doing that, is just another second when we fail to grasp the simplicity of life and getting things ‘right’. I do see a lot of good going on but that’s difficult to appraise when I find cynicism and doubting others to be a much more valid outlook. Principally because the more I express a positive or constructive opinion to facilitate a change in my circumstances, it always seems to fail, mostly because I use polysyllabic words…………FUUUUCK!
I get that I might not be the one not ‘getting it’ bet then I again the other part of my blog name is a euphemistic take on messianic belief.
Now there’s a can of worms worth opening, but in order to do that I have go about the language thing, fuck.